Saturday, January 31, 2009

Two Years

I don't have many words. I barely have any.

As these days loomed, I somehow imagined that there would be a natural separateness to them, a setting apart. Cocooning, maybe. But they are just days like any other, with potential for warmth and closeness. But also for distance and hurt. And, just like two years ago, the world,-- with a few marked exceptions, and how grateful am I for those exceptions-- doesn't stop for us and our pain.

The days are a little too ordinary, a little too crowded for me. Though I imagine I might find that to be the case no matter what was happening around me. But there've been moments.


The sky over the cemetery yesterday.


Our new* onyx candlesticks for the kid Shabbat candles. I feel funny saying "a present" or "a gift," even if I say "to us" or "to myself." Maybe just "something to mark the occasion."






*The very first time we lit a candle for each of our children in addition to the regular Shabbat candles, we burned down the one wooden candlestick we used because we didn't have three matching ones of any kind. After that we lit tealights for a while, in little IKEA colored tealight holders. And so Monkey wanted us to keep doing that-- to have the kid candles be tealights, and shorter than the main candles.

45 comments:

Kymberli said...

No words...only love and warmth and light. Thinking of you and the rest of the Won't Fear Love family.

superlagirl said...

(o)

Sue said...

Thinking of you on this day.

Tash said...

Thinking of A, and all of you.

k@lakly said...

The candles are beautiful Julia. As was the sky. Warm thoughts are with you on this day.
xxoo

CLC said...

The sky looks beautiful in that picture. Thinking of you and A, and the rest of your family as well.

Betty M said...

Thinking of you all today. They are beautiful candles.

Caro said...

Thinking of you all.

Catherine said...

"The days are a little too ordinary, a little too crowded for me."

It is bittersweet, isn't it? Much love to you and yours.

My Reality said...

Lots of love being sent your way.

The new candlesticks are beautiful, as are all 3 of your children.

Ahuva Batya said...

Sending you strength today.

c. said...

Thinking of A mightily. And you and your family, too. XO.

missing_one said...

*hugs* Holding all of you close to my heart today

ezra'smommy said...

Holding you & A close in my heart today.

Ya Chun said...

Peace... much like the majesty of the sky and the tranquility of the candle flames. Both are serene but also in movement.

And hugs. Lots.

yummysushipajamas said...

this is a beautiful post. you have such amazing strength. i am thinking of you and your sweet son today.

Elizabeth said...

Thinking of you and all three of your lovely children.

wannabe mom said...

lots of hugs to you today and always

sweetsalty kate said...

Thinking of A and your family. What a sky.... what a sky.
xo

Hope's Mama said...

lots of love to you julia xo

Aurelia said...

Thinking of you and A and Monkey today. Funny how the other kids react and it becomes so different, seeing it through their eyes.

ms. G said...

Thinking of you, A, and everyone in your family today, Julia.

Miryam (mama o' the matrices) said...

(thinking of you today)

Coggy said...

Thinking of you all x x x

Mrs. Spit said...

I was thinking of you today, and the words from somewhere over the rainbow kept running through my head.

Somewhere over the rainbow
Skies are blue,
And the dreams that you dare to dream
Really do come true.

Thinking and praying for you all.

Aite said...

Been thinking about you and yours since Friday night. And somehow failed to get in touch :( Hugs.

Aite said...
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Aite said...
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niobe said...

Did I accidentally delete my comment?

The photo of the candlesticks is amazing. And the sky is far from ordinary. Thinking of you.

charmedgirl said...

it never becomes ok, does it.
xxoo

Amelie said...

The candles are beautiful.
Thinking of you, of A, of all your family.

Amy said...

A day late but none the less, thinking of you all.

kate said...

Beautiful pictures.

I have been traveling, but i have been thinking of you and A during these days. (((((hugs))))))

Busted said...

Thinking of you all today. Beautiful pictures.

luna said...

thinking of you and A, and the rest of your family, as you remember your sweet boy.

janis said...

I am late, Julia, but the sentiments none the weaker. Only stronger.
((hugs)) and remembering with you. xoxo

loribeth said...

Beautiful photos. Thinking of you & yours, Julia.

Bluebird said...

What a beautiful post. And I'm so sorry. ((Hugs)) sweetie.

Dayna said...

Thinking of you and wishing you peace.

Lollipop Goldstein said...

I have no good words either. Just remembering with you.

Beth said...

Thinking of you ... of all of you.

Gal aka SuperMommy said...

Thinking of you and of A, Julia. And of your whole precious family. Love to you.

A.M.S. said...

Thinking with you and remembering.

christina(apronstrings) said...

you are all in my thoughts. xoxo

Rosepetal said...

I haven't checked here recently and I'm so sorry to be late. Thinking of you and sweet precious A.