If you are still here, I am so, so sorry.
And the answer is: very tight bra, cabbage leaves therein, another binding mechanism over the bra with ability to put cold compresses in (I recommend bendable ice packs they sell for sports injury or frozen vegetables), and sage tea. You can get sage tea and Whole Foods, for example. It wouldn't be with the regular teas, but rather with the herbal teas in the natural remedies isle. It's not as stinky as you would think. After the first couple of sips it's even sort of pleasant. Oh, and I know it's something you really want to do, but please don't let the hot water in the shower get directly on your breasts-- it will stimulate more milk production. They won't tell you how long it will take to stop lactation, and it's different for everyone, but it took me three weeks.
I know it doesn't begin to cover things, but I am so very sorry...
Edited to add: There is now a much expanded article on stopping lactation after stillbirth or neonatal death (including information on the drug for lactation suppression, separate tips for mothers who have already started to pump or breastfeed, and some information on milk donation) at our group blog, Glow in the Woods.