Friday, June 12, 2009

Introducing: Free Your Goat Fridays

Friends! Readers! Passers By!

I come today to offer freedom to your goats. Yes, goats. Those hard-working, self-sacrificing and nearly always under-appreciated guardians of your mental well-being. Think about it-- how often does someone or something get your goat? You are on the internet, so likely not infrequently. And the goat? It goes to be gotten, never even a bleat of complaint. Because that's the way they roll, these noble animals-- taking one for the team. Because you know, it's either "this really gets my goat" or "this really gets me," and the goats? They bear the brunt.

And I know what you'll say-- seemingly every time you get your goat back, or give up and purchase a new goat, someone new comes along to get it. I feel your pain, I do. But think of the poor animal!

So isn't it time we started treating our goats more humanely? A small start, perhaps, say giving them at least an hour or two off a week?

How? Glad you asked.

It is my contention that by sharing what it is that got your goat, you will set him free. Until, of course, the next round. But perhaps the goat can relax in the meantime, no?

So, c'mon, it's Friday, which must mean you have some excellent goat stories from the week just wrapping up. Big stories, little stories, doesn't much matter. Share them here, and set your goat free. Go into the weekend with less poundage on your chest and your bearded four-legged companion trudging peacefully by your side.

I'll start.

I have for you not one, but two goat-getting tales. One a small annoyance that got my professional and parenting goats in one strategically-aimed sentence, and the other-- a repeat auditory offender that has had my IF goat tied up in the corner for days now.

Goat-getter the First, or Ignorance Club Presents

We do not often go to fast food places. But last year Monkey discovered that ZOMG, they give out TOYS there. With, you know, kids meals. So now when we travel by car, she asks to stop at a fast food joint to get chicken nuggets and whatever plastic crap comes with. Last time we did this, she got an actually kinda-cute remote-controlled Wii character. Not bad, thought I, until, that is, I read the product insert.

My poor goat-- it didn't have a chance.

Do you see it? There, right above Boo's head, the part that talks about magically propelling him forward. Because, of course, magnets work by magic, don't you know?

All that observable phenomena thing, explained by physics and described by equations? That's all for N-E-R-D-S, nerds. And it won't do filling our children's heads with that kinda nonsense. Especially the girls, our precious princesses. Perish the thought!

Whew, I feel better already.

Goat-getter the Second, or From the We Didn't Even Get to Try Files

There's a commercial for a charitable event running on the progressive radio station in my area. Performance to benefit a good cause. So the commercial is read by the local semi-famous comedian, who will be MCing the thing. He tells us all the good reasons to go, and the good causes the thing will benefit. So far, so good. And then-- perhaps to fill the 30 second slot, I don't know,-- he goes on about how this is a great Father's Day gift, and how we should all bring notable fathers in our lives. Already thin ice for the fatherless and the infertile, sure, but the man's got a few more seconds, and, I hasten to add, not a clue. Because what does he say next but... drumroll.....

"Not a father? Conceive before Father's Day, and come to the show!"

Because, clearly, all the infertile couples you know, they are not conceiving for shits and giggles.

So there-- my goats are off to pasture. Please don't leave me here all alone with them. I mean, I like them and all, but they are not very chatty. So, your turn-- what has gotten your goats lately?

(P.S. If this works, I will make this a regular feature. And might even make a snazzy bling thing for it. No pressure, of course... :))


Ya Chun said...

leave it to you to come up with such an event.

My goat is forgetful. That why he gets got, cause then I can try to forget the sill things that people do and say. Hm, yep, can't think of anything right now...


Magpie said...

I've always had a soft spot for goats. They have such personality. And those peculiar eyes.

jgfellow said...

I'll give it a shot.

Wikipedia is a fantastic thing, if you want to know more about the E-ring of Saturn or Olestra, but there's one fairly substantial area that has remarkably little coverage: statistics.

Mostly, I've come to accept disappointment and move on, but one entry got. My. Goat.

Okay - it was a stub, a mere paragraph. I've encountered that before.

Okay - that one paragraph denigated the method, mentioning nothing positive about a perfectly acceptable method! I'll deal.

No, what got my goat were the spelling errors. If you are going to dismiss my method in 10 sentences or less, you can take the time to look up the word "participants."

Ba-a-a-a-ah humbug.

jgfellow said...

I'm going to ask you to imagine that "denigated" was a witty piece of irony.

Miryam (mama o' the matrices) said...

oh, this week came with a small herd of goats. (The Man says that he's afraid to identify individual goats, in order to avoid being one of them. Um. Dude's got a point.)
* the ongoing refusal of the atomic clock to add roughly 6 hours to the day.
* cafes that close at 9pm. why bother?
* kids who write a 'Dear Teacher, thank you, love Kid' cards, after an earnest, 20 minute discussion of why it's important to write more than a 'Dear Teacher, thank you, love Kid' card.
* 2.5 years of edits, and there's a typo???
* etc

Go free, little goats. Shoo!

Tash said...

I just ate goat for the first time on Thursday night. It was delicious.

Anonymous said...

I don't have a lot of patience or tolerance these days, so if I start, I may not stop!

melka said...

Stores and restaurants that never ever flip over or turn off their 'open' sign when, in truth, they're 'closed'. Filthy teases.

Amelie said...

I didn't know the goat expression and spent half of the post wondering what it was about...

Karen said...

ack - I forgot about cafes that close at 9pm and am annoyed all over again...
how about this, a guy at my insurance company claimed my husband had to call in to change my primary care doctor because he is the head of our household...btw, benefits are not in his name...btw, HIPPA....btw, I called back, got another customer service person and she changed it right away & said he was wrong, wrong, wrong!

niobe said...

I have kind of a thing for goats. (In a purely platonic way, thankyouverymuch).

I've always dreamed of having a little goat farm (that is, the farm would be little. Not the goats.)

I'd make all-natural, organic, free-range goat's milk soap and goat cheese and whatever else you can make with goat mile and sell it at sky-high prices.

Beruriah said...

I guess it's Got Your Goat Monday for me.

What gets my goat? Universities and colleges that continue to post calls for job applicants for positions they don't actually have the money to fund. Given the current financial climate, it seems totally obnoxious that they keep doing this! Somewhere upwards of 40% of the jobs for which I spent anywhere from $8 to $40 to apply for were canceled! This made a little sense in the fall, but now and over and over and over. Nope. No way. At the very least these places should accept email applications to save on all the wasted paper and fees to career services I have to expend to send crap out. Argh.

[Was that bitter enough for you? :=)]