I was whining to the shrink today that when I went to see my GP for a thyroid test (seeing as a patient with thyroditis should do that once in a while), she decided that she was so unimpressed with my heart rate that I should (1) get a mild heart medication, and (2) see a cardiologist. I am way too young for either of these things, but yes, I filled the prescription and made the appointment.
The shrink wanted to know what about that bothered me the most. There are a few things, starting with the obvious (FREAKING HEART MEDICATION!!!), but it wasn't the obvious that got to me.
And here's where that question comes in: can one be pre-tired? Tired ahead of time? Because I think that is how I feel. The thing about this new development is not so much that it is here right now, but the knowledge, the surety, that it will be here again. And again. See, I want to raise three children. I want to have two more living children. Kinda soon. Which means at least two more rounds of this. And I haven't even gotten to the hypo part yet.
I feel like I am standing in front of a very tall mountain, with a very heavy backpack. I am waiting to start climbing this mountain, the mountain the top of which is obscured by clouds, with the terrain I can't see beyond the first little bit. And my backpack just got heavier.