Sunday, February 3, 2008

Unoriginal

First, thank you, all, so very much for your kindness and support in the last several weeks. The idea that nobody knows our babies, that for most people they didn't exist and don't matter is apparently one of the common crazy-making ideas of this experience. So it is incredibly helpful to know that so many people know A, remember him, and think of him and of us. Thank you.

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I had been spotting most of the week. Red both anniversary days, but not much. Then brown and black on Friday. I had to go into work very early Friday morning to finish preparing my first mini-lecture of the semester. So I headed home a little after the class was over, figuring I would put in my "morning" progesterone suppository (since I didn't have time for it before I took off for work in the still-thorough darkness of winter predawn) and get in a short nap before going to get Monkey from school. I called my OB's practice on the way home, hoping to get an ultrasound before Tuesday's appointment, to check on the continuing spotting. They called me back after I put in suppository but before I fell asleep for my nap-- Dr.Best, who supervises ultrasounds for the practice on Fridays, wanted me to come in right away, without waiting for Tuesday.

So this is how come JD and I ended up at the hospital a year to the day after leaving it with our memory box and no baby. I thought how lucky it was that I got to drive in from home rather than take a shuttle from work, since walking from the shuttle to the offices takes me down the hallways we had to take to leave the place last year. Coming in in my car I was able to park in the garage under the building where the offices are and never enter main the hospital complex.

The news was also much better this year. Good strong heartbeat, measurements on target. The technician didn't find anything in terms of the source either, but Dr.Best did-- a small subchorionic hematoma. At first I was actually relieved to see it-- there was an actual explanation for the week of spotting, and I know how common it is. I even said something like "oh, there it is." Of course now that I have had time to think about it, I am a little more freaked out. It can, of course, suffocate the fetbryo. And it does increase the odds of abruption later on in pregnancy. But it seems small. That's what it looked like to me, and that's what Dr.Best said. And this is what I am holding on to-- it seems small. The smaller it is, the less likely it is to cause trouble. No spotting in the last day either, so taking it as a good sign. Not enjoying a thought of a blood clot sitting under the still-forming placenta though. Not even a little bit.

Dr.Best also found what looks like a corpus luteum, which I wasn't sure was there from the previous ultrasounds, so I feel a little better about the progesterone issue-- I no longer feel like maybe the suppositories I shove in morning and evening are the only things keeping the fetbryo in there. I will also ask for a progesterone blood test on Tuesday, to see how much the placenta is kicking in these days. Suppositories are a pain in the ass. Actually, more like a pain in the lower back (from lying with my ass elevated), plus they make me sleepy and make it hard to concentrate. But I will take all that over wondering whether I did all I could. Not an original thought in any way, I realize. And neither is the hematoma story. I could do without that drama, but I suppose I have to settle for low grade drama.

22 comments:

Tash said...

From a fellow suchor. bleed person, I sympathize totally. They are scary, scary things. (And damn, who doesn't have one these days, anyway? It's the new cool thing.) Heartbeat is fantastic, I'm glad the news is better.

I'm not going to be so crassly optimistic as to say it's looking up, but it is indeed looking forward.

My Reality said...

I hope the drama stays low grade. You have had enough to last a lifetime.

thrice said...

I also had a subchrionic hemotoma when I had the twins. It made me neurotic, as all hell. Hopefully it will bleed out soon and you can get it behind you.

Waiting Amy said...

Glad you are faring okay. The bleed sucks, but like you said, nice to at least know why.

Hoping your drama is over and things are relatively smooth from here out.

niobe said...

I'm glad people's comments, thoughts, and support have helped during this time that's difficult in so many ways.

charmedgirl said...

i guess i'd have to be truly mad to think the drama can ever stop...i guess we can only try to sway like the flexible tree...the one that doesn't snap in the storm.

i was so happy to read that all else was good.

slouching mom said...

Oh, I am so so glad that all is well.

Magpie said...

Glad to hear it's okay.

And if it's any comfort to you, progesterone via injection is really nasty nasty stuff.

Continued good wishes.

Karen said...

okay, hang in there with the low grade drama - glad you are getting some good news too.

Beruriah said...

Low grade drama we can handle. And Dr. Best we love. I'm so sorry you had to go through this, at any point, but especially this week.

c. said...

I am relieved to hear the news is good. I hope this is the last of drama of any grade...

Rosepetal said...

I am sorry about this additional stress you don't need but glad to hear about the heartbeat.

christina(apronstrings) said...

a SCH is no fun at all, but at least it makes things make sense. and they are sooo common and rarely cause a problem. though, *rarely* doesn't really help huh?
gald the little one is thriving, i hope the SCH goes away ASAP. (that's a possibility, right?)

Beth said...

I'm really glad you have an answer, I always found it easier to cope with something definite, than the 'I dunno what's wrong' sort of thing.

Am thinking of you.

wannabe mom said...

I'm sorry for being absent for A's anniversary. Your words describing those sad days and meeting him were so beautiful. I thought of you all weekend, helpless to do anything but send you warm thoughts through the atmosphere.

Amelie said...

Oh, I'm sorry the scares were not done with you. Especially on A's anniversary. Thinking of you.

Coggy said...

It's nice to know other people out here know our babies names. It means a lot to me too.
I'm so glad that everything looked OK with the little one on your scan. I hope things stay low grade too x

Maddie's Mom said...

I'm glad that all is well. Take care.

meg said...

Low grade drama is fine, if we must have any drama.

Very glad to hear that the scan went well. Take care of yourself J.

Brandy said...

I'm new here but I just wanted to say that I'm glad you were able to see a good, strong heartbeat. I will be thinking about you and the little one.

Christyna said...

this all sounds like such added stress for you. I'm sorry some things will have you in a panic for months to come, but I'm glad that you seem to take most of it in stride and deal with it. keep it up you're doing wonderful.

Lori said...

I read this before, was overwhelmed with relief at the end, but then realized today that I never commented.

Just want you to know how happy I am that this new little peanut is staying put. And I continue to think of you and A all the time.