4:11am

I expected labor to go fast. I didn't expect it to go this fast. We left the house at 2am, arrived on the maternity floor around 2:25. Got the first cervical check at 2:45-- 4cm, 80%, bag ruptured. Delivered at 4:11. Seconds later-- a cry. Righteously pissed off baby, the dream that dared not speak its name, that didn't even dare to paint a self-portrait in my mind's eye, he was suddenly very corporeally here.

He punked out after that. Turns out you really should get all of the liquid out of the lungs if you are planning on using them for breathing. Who knew?

NICU, CPAP-- it all sounds a lot worse than it is. In reality, he had been trying to get the CPAP out for hours, and succeeded finally towards the evening, so now they are just watching. By which I mean measuring and recording. He is on IV sugar solution, but when he keeps his respiratory rate where they want it, I get to try breastfeeding. I have been pumping in the meantime, and feeling my uterus contract but good (all hail motrin! with a side order of per.coset!).

I didn't sleep last night, and only a couple of short naps today. I am in need of a solid sleep, and am failing pretty bad at keeping it at bay in order to keep writing. So I will wrap up now, and hope that putting together complete sentences comes easier in the morning.

Yes, he is still in NICU. But it's a warm and fuzzy NICU, the version where we don't really need to worry about his life, or even his health in the long run. He may have to stay there for a few days more, or he may get to come up to the Special Care nursery that is literally next door to my room on the antepartum floor, but it seems that even I am talking all about the when of going home, rather than the if.

Thank you, all, for being here through my long journey to when. It has meant more than I can express, especially in my current sleep-deprived state. But you can be sure that I will try to, another day.

Oh, and Monkey had been by.