My friend and former co-worker used to say "I am useless without my lists." I think I am too. I make lists at work, I make them at home. It's partly so that I don't forget things, and partly so that I get the satisfaction of crossing things off. I mean, sometimes when I remember something I need to do, I put it on the list, do it right away, and cross it off the list. Feeling of accomplishment-- check.
So it shouldn't be too surprising that after we buried A and my parents left, I made a list. It had big things on it, and small. And I tried to do at least a couple each day, so I didn't feel completely useless. My PCOS meds, for example. Dr. B said to wait until I started eating more or less normally again before resuming them. I think it was his kind way of saying, you will stuff your face from grief and lactating. It would be better to wait until after you stop. But I found my script 3 days after the funeral, called the pharmacy that day to see if they had the pills in stock, filled the prescription the next day, started taking it the day after. When I got woozy from half a glass of wine that day, my friends got worried. I explained it was because of the meds. A very reasonable "why did you start already?" was met with "it was on my list" and "don't laugh. I do what I can."
So how does a list-maker successfully procrastinate? For loooooong periods of time, I mean. That's right-- stop making lists. If there is no list, you can't see just how many things you need to do, and you can blow off all of them in favor of reading the blogs. Yes, an occasional item gets into your head and bugs you for a while. But the genius of this tactic is that in the absence of a list, it still seems like the only thing that needs to be done, and if there is only that one thing, well, it can wait until tomorrow, can't it?
I think I am ready to be somewhat more productive now. And by that I mean I am distressed by how little of anything I got done in the last month, and how many different things knock on my brain at one time or another to tell me they need doing.
So here's my first list in a long time:
1. Make a to-do list.
This even looks like I might be able to handle it.