I noticed that I am not a big fan of seeing people I haven't seen since before A died. Even perfectly nice people who I am pretty sure will not say anything stupid. Or maybe not. The one exception I made gladly was driving for about 2.5 hours each way to see my best friend from college (let's call her Samantha) and her mom about two weeks back. Thinking back on that, I think with Sam and her mom I was sure beyond the shadow of a doubt that I was safe. I wanted to see them, needed even.
In light of that, not looking forward to this weekend's trip probably means that I am not as sure I will be entirely safe with the friends we are going to see this weekend. I am almost positive that I am wrong, though. Almost.