Friday, December 28, 2007

Comfortably numb

Eventful day, let's say. I was completely sure last night that the stick would give the snow the run for its money. It follows then that I stared at the weak second line this morning for a while before walking downstairs to show JD. Mad dash to get to my GP for a progesterone script and a stat blood draw order, mad dash to execute both. Mad dash home to pack and leave. Slow crawl through traffic on the highway. A call from the lab-- hCG=59, progesterone=16.3. Today is 12dpo.

I can't see past Monday, when I might try to get a repeat test despite being out of state. I tried to make myself project to a few months out, or even to the possible first ultrasound, but no luck. That's ok for now, though. After the last six months this feels rather surreal, and so I will take this one day at a time. I can't even say, not even in my head, that I am, you know pr... Right. I concede that something is implanted somewhere, and I am more than OK with it continuing to be so. I am, as they say, comfortably numb.

We are at the ski house now, and it is, so far, ok. Not everyone is here yet, and it may get harder as the house gets fuller of people.

Now, everyone, this is very-very important, so pretty please with sprinkles on top, pay attention. Please, don't anybody use the C word. The one that ends with -ations and an exclamation point and implies a celebration, k? We here are firm believers in getupgrrl's* NBHHY (Nothing Bad Has Happened Yet) approach to all things not capable of independent sustainable life. OK?


*Unfortunately, due to some asshats stealing her words, grrl took down her archives shortly before she retired. If you weren't a reader, you missed one of the great good ones. My personal favorite has to be the one about the elevator, a guy dissing his post-partum wife, and grrl's snappy avenging of said wife using her cell phone as a prop.

25 comments:

Karen said...

Julia, I won't say it. But however you are I hope it stays comfortable for you and that you whatever you are feeling and however you are moving through these days, you are well and finding the strength you need. peace out and enjoy your sparkling cider...

meg said...

I would never mention the c word, but I can grin here from ear to ear. Keep up the "comfortably numb" fine work you are doing!

Aurelia said...

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Losing my mind with joy over here.

Just sayin'

Aite said...

Just for the record: this is the best news today could bring. Numb is super. Gratuitous excitement is for the birds.

*Clearing my throat*
CHIRP!

Amelie said...

What exciting news! I'm keeping all fingers crossed, Julia. And now, have a good (probably numb) time at the ski house.

Tash said...

Ahh, I miss Chez too.

But to point: Relieved NBHHY, the boots fit, the snow is powdery, and you are ensconsed in blankets in front of the fire enjoying a warm . . . tea. Stay numb. Whatever works.

christina(apronstrings) said...

ok, ok, no exclamation points. just a please, please, please let this be it for my friend...whispered into the universe.

wishing you a sense of peace, and a promise that i will be thinking of you every second.

xoxoxo

My Reality said...

Comfortably numb is good.

I am glad that this will be a sober New Year's Eve for you.

Crossing my fingers that nothing bad happens. Not just "yet," but at all.

Magpie said...

sghhn...
something good has happened now.

Continued good luck. :)

S. said...

Oh my god, I'm so glad I broke shabbat and read this today!

I'm not breathing right along with you.

Wow!

Beruriah said...

I can't believe I went to bed before seeing this after hitting refresh all day! I hope you will be comfortably numb for many more weeks.

I am hopeful and happy!

Phantom Scribbler said...

I'm not saying anything except -- oh!!! -- and -- if you need anything, you know where to find us, OK?

Bon said...

like the others, i'm grinning and chirping...and hoping.

comfortably numb is good work. you keep it up.

and...you really do win the award for December drama, i think, my friend. what a lovely f-off this is to your stupid Dr. Young Gun's office, who caused no harm in the end. :)

Anonymous said...

I'm not using that word either, but I dreamed about you last night (which, yeah, I know is weird, but let's move past that), and I knew it. I just knew it! So happy for right now and hoping that NB continues to H.
--Eve

whatthef*ck said...

was it bette davis that said, "fasten your seatbelts fellas its going to be a bumpy ride?" but hey, you are on the road. gotta start from where you are. and good for you for articulating what you need from people. i hope you get lots of it.

Casey said...

I will not say the c word. Just the words to my happy dance song: doo-wop, doo-wop, woooo!

thrice said...

I with Bon. That would be the greatest F-off to Dr. Young Gun's office. What a bunch of asshats.

Slim said...

Consternations? Is that something that can be a plural? (NBHHY!)

Because jinkies, I have no idea what else you might be talking about. (NBHHY!)

Anyway, fingers crossed that 2008 shows some significant-though-unnamed improvements over 2007. (NBHHY!)

niobe said...

Wow. I've been asleep for the last couple of days (pretty much literally) and completely missed this. I'm not saying anything and I'm not thinking anything. But I'm hoping as hard as I possibly can.

BasilBean said...

Wow.

Happy New Year!

:)

Zee said...

Julia, I'm thinking good thoughts for you. That's all I'll say.

And my all-time favorite getupgrrl post was the one with the cellphone in the elevator too. Hilarious!

wannabe mom said...

awwwww!! :)))

Monica said...

I'll be numb with you too until you are ready for more.

slouching mom said...

wonderful. i'm grinning.

susan said...

another smiling reader sending hope your way.