Thursday, December 13, 2007

Whimper

Thank you, all, for your kindness and your righteous indignation. I really needed to hear that all of this is from the realm of unbelievable. I did ask, yesterday, whether she was confusing me with someone else, and they claim that she is adamant it is really me.

I called this morning to try to get my mock transfer. The nurse administrator seemed concerned about the issue of timeliness, and she said she will try to figure things out and call me back. Two hours later I called again. Half an hour more later, she called to say that they won't be able to treat me anymore, but will facilitate my transfer to blah-blah-blah. I pointed out that the day before she spent a decent chunk of time telling me they most certainly weren't trying to run me out, and were just trying to find a solution that is comfortable for everyone. Today, apparently, the vote is that since I was unhappy with multiple things before, they would just not be caring for me any longer.

I am not bawling like I did yesterday, but then I spent four and a half hours on a plane before it ever took off (huge giant snowstorm, ultraquick onset), so I am a bit chewed out. I requested a meeting with Dr. YoungGun. I want him to tell me face to face that he believes this crap. I am, however, pessimistic about the chance of this meeting happening.

Sitting on that plane, I had ample opportunity to contemplate my emotional state. It is a little strange to me that I can't even summon anger, at least not for prolonged periods of time. I keep wondering what set her off, or what is it that she has experienced in life that made her do this? I keep thinking it must've been something huge.

I caught a sight of myself in the mirror. Yesterday, and again today. I remember her. Defeated, broken, hurt to the core. I thought she was gone. The eyes so sad it makes you want to cry. Which is easy, since they are that sad because I am the one holding back tears. How did this happen? Why did this happen?

24 comments:

Lori said...

Well the unbelievable just gets even more unbelievable. I have never in all my life heard of anyone asked to leave a medical practice. I say that not to make you feel worse about this situation, but to say that it is so ridiculously out of the ordinary. It's absurd in fact. Who are these people?!?

Oh, I wish, I wish, I wish I could make my RE appear in your life somehow. I just know he would ride in on his white horse and save the day.

This is so unfair. And wrong. And sad. And horribly, horribly frustrating. I am so sorry.

Aite said...

I'm sorry. And angry.

The more I think about the whole story, the more it seems to me that the RE didn't want you as a patient. No idea why. He could be threatened by your approach to researching everything, by your wanting to have so much say in the decisions, maybe even by your sense of urgency. Who knows. He had multiple ways of encouraging a biased attitude towards you from his staff.

The episode with the receptionist is bizarre, but RE's earlier comments about the quality of care are most singular. Now I really wonder if he was trying to spook you into leaving back then. Remember also the suggestion to look for another doctor to treat the cyst. There is a chance they didn't expect you to wait until the most recent u/s and appointment. But there you were, with more opinions on treatments options and more urgency. And then it seemed like your treatment really had to get under way.

I suspect the RE is to blame for the nonsense with the receptionist this week, too. She works for him. He knows which buttons to push, consciously or unconsciously. If making you switch doctors was on his agenda, he definitely had the means to let his staff know that's how he felt. And the whole staff loyalty lunacy at that office was sure to prevent any of them from thinking critically, rationally, and professionally.

Finally, what disgusts me is their suggestion that they can't treat you because YOU are uncomfortable. What caring souls!

niobe said...

I'm thinking about what aite said and wondering if she's right that the RE was somehow looking for a chance to get rid of you. I can't imagine why that would be -- it sounded from your descriptions like you got along fairly well. I am just mystified by the whole thing.

Hope your trip can distract you a little from these issues.

Betty M said...

I have just read your last two posts and I am totally shocked - by the outrageous accusation against you and by the practice's appalling behaviour. There is something sick there and I think you may well be better off without them. However good Dr YG may be on paper he clearly does not run his practice appropriately given how he has clearly failed to put you his patient first. I am so sorry that they have behaved so badly towards you.

Caro said...

Unbelievable!

Aurelia said...

You are feeling sad and defeated right now, because this is fresh and painful.

But you are not at fault, these people are unprofessional asses. Don't worry about feeling angry for now, it will come, and in the meantime, let all of us feel angry on your behalf.

And Julia, I've checked and rechecked various regs here, and ethical guidelines. They can't get rid of you as a patient. They simply can't.

When and if you decide to call the State Medical Board, even if you don't lay a complaint, I think you will start to feel much better since they, an independant third party, will make it clear that you have been wronged.

christina(apronstrings) said...

i am so glad that you see this for the projection that it is. this has nothing to do with you. you won't be the first. she'll do it again. because, as you say, whatever caused her to do this, is big and isn't going away.
i wish, wish, wish that this hasn't happened. but yeasterday, on the drive to work, i really hope for you that you'd have the strength to walk away from them. i thought, i doubt i would...but you staying just wouldn't have been a good idea. there would have been soooo much tension at every appointment. and you have so many appts to go to. (like all of us).
so, it sucks...but i am glad that you're not going there anymore. but still think that this is so fvckin unfair. and if Dr. YoungGun could grow a pair..this wouldn't be happening.
My assive is to go there to try to clear your name and then to get the hell out of dodge.

This is a projection. She will do it again. They will learn and feel like morons for doing this to you.

And, most importantly, we are behind you; )

Bon said...

dude. wow. this is unbelievable and appalling, as everyone else has said.

and very much not about you, clearly. you don't need to be angry right now - it might be simply too much to even focus on - but i feel very angry for you, Julia...so full of righteous indignation i'd like to smite that entire clinic. this is outrageously unethical, and if the root of the problem doesn't come from the RE then he's likely to see some of the same issues again, and soon, from this receptionist. because as you say, whatever's behind this is big and isn't going to be assuaged just by getting rid of you as a patient unless that was the goal all along. awful.

i did wonder, like you asked, if she had you confused with someone else. i also wondered, because i'm so baffled by this, by the unfairness of it, if their practice wasn't walking a very dangerous line of something rather close to discrimination themselves. i don't know you, at all. i do know you spent much of your youth in another country...and i wondered, though you don't write like it, if you speak English with an accent? i noted, in my head, that you are a Jew. and i wondered, are you bearing the brunt of someone else's prejudice, rather than the other way around? i hope not. but i also find this situation so bizarre that it seemed worth putting on the table as a possibility. certainly it seems no more ludicrous than her claim about you. i do hope eventually the State Medical board will investigate, one way or the other.

does the "transfer" to another RE mean that you would not have to postpone treatment, that the long wait will not be time you have to simply let go of?

i hope so. i am so sorry this is happening.

Tash said...

This could be in Seinfeld if it weren't so horrifically disturbing and sad. I would, when you can do it, report this to the state board as Aurelia suggested because it would not surprise me one iota if something similar had happened before. I can't imagine that you were their worst patient nightmare. Not by a long shot. I'm curious to know how many other women have been "asked to leave." Usually people do this when they're extremely defensive and worried about things like, oh, getting sued. Sit with your folder when you get it and make sure EVERYTHING is in it, and in order. And for what it's worth, you'll be better off somewhere else.

Magpie said...

Report it to the state, to the CDC, to the insurance company, to the insurance regulators.

On the one hand, you're being kicked out the office for lousy reasons. On the other hand, do you really want to go back there under any circumstances?

I hope you have a nice trip.

ALH said...

Have you spoken to an attorney about this woman slandering you and causing you a loss of time and finances? It's so unreal and unheard of, and I hope you are able to feel better about all of it soon.

Anonymous said...

Julia, I've been reading you for a long time and am delurking (well, sort of) to tell you how sorry I am that this has happened to you.

I too wondered if you have an accent and/or the receptionist knew you were Jewish. It's not inconceivable that her own anti-immigrant/anti-semitic issues triggered her to hear what she claims you said.

The way the clinic (mis)handled it is as outrageous as her accusation. This is a clear signal that there's something systemically rotten with the place. If you do choose to report it, I bet you'll find that you're not the first person they've done this to, for whatever reason.

I'm so sorry.

wannabe mom said...

even more holy crap. i'm so sorry. uggggghhhh why are people allowed to behave like this!! it still irritates me that the doc even mentioned something to you previously about that nurse being able to affect the quality of your care. such bs.

charmedgirl said...

god...i have been so bad at keeping up...but to come back and read THIS??

my god, julia. that is really something. no matter what the facts are (receptionist lying, them wanting to cut you, etc)...it's better you're out of there. something's fishy.

like lori, i wish i could send my RE out like holiday cards. i hope you find a MUCH better one, with a staff to match.

meg said...

Something is very wrong with this situation. I think everyone's advice is spot on. I'm so sorry they picked on you, for no reason. I just don't know why...because you seem so lovely and kind, to me. After what you have gone through, you need the 5 star treatment, not this.

slouching mom said...

I've been following this -- but not able to comment until now.

This is just appalling. I don't know what to say. I'm so sorry.

I agree with magpie -- never go back. There is something very wrong about that office.

xxoo

My Reality said...

I just can't believe the whole situation. It is just so wrong on so many levels.

Snickollet said...

I've thought about you and this awful situation all weekend. I just can't wrap my head around it, it's so bizarre and unfathomable and hurtful. I'm so sorry, and I hope you receive nothing but the utmost in professional and compassionate treatment with your next doctor. That should be a given, and what you're going through now is just, well, I'm at a loss for words.

Maren said...

I am so sorry that you have not been treated with the care and respect that you deserve, especially at such a fragile time. You have been disrespected in such an utterly personal way by such an obviously impersonal staff. I hope you feel better and I am so sorry you had to experience this. Just entirely unnecessary; that entire practice should be ashamed.

Amelie said...

Incredible. I'm so sorry, Julia. I hope you find a really good place for your treatment, and soon.
There must be something else behind it. If you feel up to it, I think you should file a complaint. No patient should have to deal with this. Ever. I'm so sorry you had to go throught this.

Mandy said...

I'm stunned. As an employer, we don't allow clients to abuse our employees and there have been two instances where we've asked a client to take their business elsewhere - once for sexual harassment and once for verbal abuse (yelling and screaming). We had witnesses, we knew it had happened, etc.

That she would lie so blatantly shocks me, that they are handling it this way is even more upsetting.

If you can get transferred to another RE now and not interrupt treatment, I can see the benefit of doing so - you deserve better.

I'm not a "sue them, screw them" kind of person, but I do think a complaint is appropriate here, at the minimum.

Thinking of you.

thrice said...

I've been thinking about this too. Get to where you need to go, then you can think with a clear head about how you want to proceed with it. A complaint(s) at minimum seems appropriate.

www.christyna.wordpress.com said...

oh my god, I am so sorry. why must people do this to others? what happened in this woman's life to make her so hurtful and bitter and careless with another. She didn't just hurt your feelings she set you back and she stole your time. That is something you can never get back! I truly believe in karma in the sense that something will in turn come back and bite this spiteful liar in the behind. I wish there was something we could do. can we flood the clinic with complaints for you perhaps? healthy dose of spam sent via email? sorry just trying to find a way to help, tho in the end I'm sure it may not be helpful ata ll.

Anonymous said...

I'm appalled.