Thursday, January 31, 2008

Day 366-- Wednesday, January 30th, 2008

Thank you, all, for your generous support in the last post. Thank you.


The roses are from the big bouquet we took to the cemetery. It was a tough visit for Monkey, but in the end I think it was good for her to go. I will try to tell the story of why she has never been to the cemetery before and how we knew it was time to take her sometime soon. The pebbles are from the various trips we took since A died. I am not sure whether we will take them to the cemetery once we install the plate or get a big glass bowl to collect all the ones we will bring home over the years.

The puppy is something I picked up on one of my first trips to the supermarket last February. I remember thinking as I was moving up the isle who would buy something off of those annoying end of the isle extraneous island displays anyway? Turns out, I am. The puppy was sitting there with his head inclined just so, looking both mischievous and a little sad. A cute sweet troublemaker-- the way I could only hope A would've grown up to be. I had to take the puppy home, and I cried many tears while clutching him last winter and early spring. Monkey went to sleep clutching him tonight.

Our dining room table surface is glass, and that means that you can see the reflection of the candle in the surface of the table.

Four friends came tonight (we talked about a lot of things, mundane and dead baby specific, and one couple stayed until almost two in the morning), and a few more are coming tomorrow.

We are doing OK, I think.

24 comments:

niobe said...

I'm so glad you found a way to remember A. The collection of meaningful objects on the table is so poignant. And the candle and its reflection are just beautiful and a lovely symbol as well.

kate said...

(((((hugs))))) Cheesy, but it's all i got.

Magpie said...

I think you are, I think you are.

Be well.

Tash said...

You're a fabulous mom, to A and Monkey. You're all in my heart.

christina(apronstrings) said...

love to you. xoxo

Bon said...

the candle and the collection of little remembrances are beautiful.

love.

Julie said...

Your little tableau is beautiful. Wishing your family peace.

Beruriah said...

I am so glad you were surrounded by friends last night and will be again tonight.

Ok is enough to ask from you right now.

Much love.

Casey said...

Holding you in the light.

charmedgirl said...

i wonder if all the evidence that the anticipation is much harder than the actual events will sink into my brain. i guess it's just a part of the whole; maybe if we didn't do all that lead-up it WOULD be worse. oh well.

what you are doing is beautiful and it makes me think i will light a 24hr candle that day, too.

slouching mom said...

thinking of you, julia. and i agree with the others. what a beautiful collection you photographed.

xxoo

Snickollet said...

Beautiful tribute to your beautiful son.

I collect rocks for John, too, and am trying to figure out what to do with them.

Aite said...

Thinking of you today, but too down with the cold to visit. Sorry...

S. said...

Thinking of you.

Ahuva Batya said...

Prayers to you.

c. said...

Beautiful, Julia, and touching. And that Monkey slept with the puppy...heartbreaking in so many ways. Thinking of you still.

kalakly said...

It sounds perfect. A beautiful, meaningful way to remember and love A.
Way to go Mom.:)

meg said...

The candle is beautiful. I love the idea of the stones too.

I'm glad you took Monkey to the cemetery...and the thought of her with the little puppy...that just breaks my heart.

I am thinking of you lots.

BasilBean said...

Julia,
I'm thinking of you and sending my love.

Aurelia said...

This is such a lovely photo and such a dear way to remember A. Take care honey. I'm thinking about you all.

My Reality said...

A beautiful tribute.

Birdie said...

This is all so beautiful.
What a lovely and special way to remember your sweet A. You are all in my heart.

xoxox
erin

Coggy said...

What a beautiful post Julia and what a beautiful way to mark A's birthday.
I am glad you are doing OK. I can't imagine how hard this was for you all.

thrice said...

Often I read your posts, and they are just stunningly beautiful that I feel so inadequate to comment.

Which is why, I am late commenting here. Please forgive me. I also like the idea of the stones very much. And the projection of your puppy's personality.