Monday, January 28, 2008

Today

The post I wanted to write today is going to have to wait until tomorrow because today was scary. The short version:

dark red blood + mucous = panicked phone call to the OB practice. Waiting for the call back I watched my trembling hands and text messenged my sister to warn her that Monkey might need to spend the night. I also called JD and told him to change plans for the evening. I kept saying "I am sorry."

Nice nurse working triage + upcoming dead baby anniversary + the dark red blood = emergency ultrasound. I packed fast, and ran out of the office heading for the shuttle from The Other Big Hospital where I work to The Big Hospital where my medical care is. I called JD again on the way, and talking a mile a minute, told him that my sister is ready and that by no means should Monkey figure out what is up. We can't ruin this time of year for her entirely.

When I made it to the shuttle, I was suddenly calm. Not blissed out or anything, not everything is alright calm, but I am doing all I can calm. I ran this drill in my head a hundred times before, and now I had run it for real. It takes the shuttle almost thirty minutes to cover the two miles separating the hospitals. Blame one way streets or the route designers adding a strange illogical stop in the middle, but either way, it takes thirty minutes. For those thirty minutes I held both possibilities in my head-- the one where it was all over and I will either leave with a mason jar or a scheduled D&C, and the one where this is a minor scare, a terrible way to spend a Monday afternoon, especially one right before the anniversary, but ultimately nothing. I didn't even have it in me to hope for this one-- whichever one it was was already decided, and hoping was futile. It was either one way or the other. It was. I held both possibilities in my head, in my entire being, I existed in both of those realities.

As usual they were running late. Nothing new. Not as calm now, possibly because there was so much noise around me. Finally the tech came out to call me in, and it was the same tech who did the ultrasound ten days before. She remembered me and she was very nice. I climbed on the table and preped. Warm jelly-- they warm it in this practice. And then she found the heartbeat right away. I couldn't see it at first-- I saw a sack and a mass of cells, but she told me that the heart was beating. She measured it for me. 168. She showed me where the brain is beginning to form, but I am no longer sure which part of the image she was pointing to. No sources of bleeding that she could reliably identify. She noted something tiny at the end, near where the cyst used to be, but she was not convinced it was even real.

The nice nurse told me after that she thought it must've been a local insult to a blood vessel near the cervix. What with 30-40% increase in blood volume it happens. I know it does. But this was red and I freaked.

A minor scare. A sucky way to spend Monday afternoon (and evening-- took me forever to get all the way back to my car), but ultimately nothing. At least for today.

34 comments:

slouching mom said...

Oh, thank goodness. Thank goodness.

Lori said...

I am so relieved!!

This happened to me in my twin pregnancy, and I promise it had nothing to do with their later preterm delivery. Same thing. Just probably something irritated the cervix.. who knows? It really was all fine (until it wasn't fine, but like I said- unrelated).

I am so sorry you had this scare.

Aurelia said...

Oh dear...I'm very glad you and the baby are okay, but damn woman you gave me a scare there.

It may be nothing, but ask your OB for a follow up US at some point just in case. To make sure that little spot of blood is all gone. I'm sure it will be, but just in case.

ms. G said...

I'm so sorry for this scare, Julia, but so relieved for you!! At about 8 weeks with baby A, I had a very similiar experience. I woke up to it at 3am, and made a trip to the ER. It was red too. So I know how very scary that is.

Thinking of you and your wee one.

thrice said...

For me, with the twins, it was a blood clot (subchrionic hemotoma) that needed to bleed out. I spent 6+-weeks bleeding bright red blood. Annoying as all hell.

I'm glad that everything is good. for now (no curses).

Caro said...

Phew!

I was holding my breath throughout that post.

Amelie said...

what a shock, I am so relieved it all looked fine. Hope the scares are done with you for a while now!

kate said...

Oh that is so scary....i am so thankful all is OK.

niobe said...

How terrifying. I'm so glad everything is okay.

charmedgirl said...

that made me cry. i can't even imagine what YOU felt.

charmedgirl said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Tash said...

Holy F, Does ANYONE not bleed during pregnancy??? Is this the new normal? I had too many of those days, holding both in my head, and it's more than what a human should have to process. Phew, and please schedule repeats asap. I'm so sorry you had to experience this, and so incredibly relieved.

Beruriah said...

Oh Julia, my heart is beating a mile a minute. I can hardly think. What a horrible scare. Thank goodness everything looks okay. I'm sorry.

Bon said...

be still my heart...this post had me holding my breath until the end.

i am so sorry. so glad that all is well and, yes, it is indeed normal... i had a subchorionic hematoma at seven weeks that resolved itself without further issue...but it is still scary, still the end of everything in your mind, for that moment. and that is awful to go through, leaves you shaky...especially right now, so close to A's anniversary.

Magpie said...

I'm so glad it was nothing. Continued good luck.

christina(apronstrings) said...

PHEW!!!! oh you poor dear. i can't imagine how terrified oyu must have been. thank goodness your ob isn't the moron that mine is (there would have been no u/s). i am so sorry to hear that you went through that.
but thanks G-d everything is okay.
wow, 168.
get some rest, your heart needs it.
xoxoxo

c. said...

You must have been beside yourself. OMG. I can't even imagine how you felt. I am so thankful that your baby is okay. I hope you are, too.

CLC said...

Glad everything is ok. What a fright!

Carole said...

So glad that everything continues to be okay. I can't even imagine how terrified you must have been. Thinking of you.
~Carole

Catherine said...

So glad everything is ok. {{{hugs}}}

Jenny F. Scientist said...

I'm so glad nothing was wrong.

meg said...

Glad that everything is o.k. My heart jumped when I first started reading your post...so, so glad that all is well.

Coggy said...

So glad it was nothing. I was holding my breath while reading that too.

Betty M said...

Phew! Very glad all is ok.

Anonymous said...

My heart was pounding as I read this -- how did you manage any calm at all.

So glad you got some reassurance. Tell your cervix your readers are feeling irritated with *it*

kalakly said...

Bleeding while pregnant...Gawd is there anything scarier. I am so glad baby is fine, and hopefully mom will be too, when your heartrate gets back to normal that is. I had a bleed,subchrionic, that they couldn't see while I was bleeding but were able to see after about a week of it. The bleeding lasted a few weeks so prepare yourself, if you end up having the same type of thing, it usually turns into that brown old blood tho. If you can, go back for another scan, just for your peace of mind cuz it sucks so much to be looking everytime you go to the bathroom and wondering. A good doc will understand...
I am so, so happy everything is okay.

Phantom Scribbler said...

Exhaling deeply. Oh, Julia.

S. said...

Phew. And phew, again.

I know just what you mean about holding the possibilities in your head.

My Reality said...

I am so glad that this has turned out to be nothing more than a scare.

wannabe mom said...

omg my heart skipped a beat, then i had to skip to the end and was relieved to find out that the baby is ok. i've been obsessively checking for red myself. thanks for the update and i'm thinking of you.

Snickollet said...

I'm late in reading, but no less relieved at the outcome. So sorry you had to go through that.

Julia said...

Thank you, thank you, all. Your kindness and concern keeps blowing me away.

I have an appointment scheduled for next Tuesday already, so that should be fine, provided nothing drastically new happens. It's much better today-- only a few brown smears.

Beth said...

I am so glad things are looking okay. So very sorry you had to go through that.

Julia said...

I'm late to read this, too. And I don't want to fuel any paranoia, but did you ask for a check of your progesterone levels? I bled with both successful pregnancies, and both times my progesterone level had plummeted after initially normal readings. Just one more thing you can do for peace of mind.